This beautiful chair, in which my late husband sat while his portrait was being painted by Brenda Tatum in 2006 in our home, The Grove, is part of a pair. I had both chairs recovered in a very similar fabric and color after his death, as I wanted the chairs to look perfect. The arms had started to split, as the silk was at least 50 years old. I got the new fabric in Greensboro and had Boones Mill Upholstery recover them.
I sit in these two chairs often. They flank the fireplace now, in our Library. And in my earlier blog I mentioned a "Grief Chair." This is it. I sat in both chairs many times since 2008, recalling the best memories. Today, June 1, 2013, is the fifth anniversary of my husband's funeral. The Visitation for family and pall bearers was in our Library, and his body lay in the blue stainless steel casket in the center of the room, in front of his portrait and the two coral-pink chairs. Five years ago today I never would have imagined I would smile or laugh again.
One very important idea from the religion I study, Christian Science (also the religion of Keister's first wife who died the year before we met), is that the QUALITIES in a relationship, like love, integrity, loyalty, compassion, empathy, passion, understanding, and joy, to name a few, LIVE ON eternally and can come back into our lives even when the people we so loved are gone from this realm. Ideas are infinite. Think of a number, like 4...we cannot "hold" that "4" in our hands, although "4" plays a role in our lives here. It is an idea. So are we. Reflections of God. Love and all the other qualities of a wonderful relationship are also ideas. They are also infinite.
Knowing this, and experiencing these qualities again, the grief has receded and evanesced, never gone, but healed, like a balloon I let go of so it could rise and go on.
Alas, I have the kind of memory, like a circular calendar, that tends to remind me of significant dates (births, deaths, trips, exams, meeting new people, major events) I have known. So today, a bright, warm June 1, with a strong breeze, the scent of flowers from the gardens, phone calls from my son who is catching a train from IL to VA today, calls from friends, white butterflies flirting over the flowers, hugs from the man in my life...these are what fill my heart today. I have been blessed.
